horrible – Never had a white picket fence

Good friends stab you in the front…

So much was unearthed that night. So many questions answered, but so many questions still left unanswered. Could I believe everything I was told? I had no reason not to. The boyfriend seemed sincere enough. He seemed genuinely heartbroken and confused, as I was. He was full of all the information as to why my…

No time like the first time

While I was in the psych ward, I started spotting. Not a lot, but enough that I noticed. At first I thought maybe I had another kidney stone. I had no pain, just this annoyance of bleeding. I’ve had an IUD since my child was born a million years ago (19 at this point) obviously…

I’m crazy for trying and crazy for crying

The biggest road block to going “home” was not having one to go to. I was going “home” to mom’s condo. My life was still imploded. My life IS still imploded. Not one thing that has happened have I asked for, or wanted. My husband made all the decisions for me and wanted them implemented.…

So lonely

I didn’t want to get admitted to that tertiary care hospital, but I sure didn’t want to risk a whole weekend of being stuck in the emergency room. They listened to my concerns about why I didn’t want to be admitted there, that my smaller hospital was part of the same healthcare system and I…

Crazy for feeling

You know when you have those lightbulb moments? I had one last November that was not a shining one. I had officially hit rock bottom in my life. I hope I never go lower than I did then. My friend had to bring me to the emergency room because I went on a hunger strike…

C’mon down!

The next two weeks I felt like overall things were getting better. I even bounded down the stairs one morning straight into his arms and told him we were going to be alright. I couldn’t have been more wrong. We had our moments, but it felt like we were doing ok, making improvements. He was…

Something new, something old, something borrowed and something blue

We didn’t want a big gala for our wedding. At least I didn’t. If I had my way, we would have just gone down to the courthouse and gotten married, just him and him. He told me I could do whatever I wanted. Money was no limit. You may recall I had said before I…

Whale Whale Whale

I’ve been to Hawaii twice. I think it’s a magical place. The biggest reason I think it’s magical is because of the whales. I know, there are whales all over the world. Hawaii was the first place I got a taste of their majestic beauty and the abundance of them. I had gone with my…

Big Picture

This is where my memory starts getting a little dicey. I want to remember all those moments we were together those last months as best I can, even if they were bad, because I do love him. Don’t forget, even if it’s crazy, even if I am crazy, he is my husband, I do love…

25 was my crisis

When I turned 25 MY life was turned upside down. Leading up to my birthdays, historically, I give a good month count down. When I was due to turn 25, 13 years ago now, I felt like the ships were at half mast… my life was half over… WHAT WAS I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!…