Blog – Never had a white picket fence

Therapy

My husband had told me he would not do couples therapy with me while we were “trying”. After I was in the hospital I told him I needed to do therapy together. There were too many things left unsaid. My mind was too jumbled. I was too lost, hurt and confused without him. He agreed…

by Okate July 5, 2021July 13, 2021

Ring… Ring Ring… Ring Ring Ring…

I am not a big wearer of jewelry. What I wear is simple and has meaning. When I was younger, I changed out my earring often for fun, dangly earrings a lot. I actually have 5 holes collectively in my ears. I pierced 3 of the holes myself as a tortured teen with a stitching…

by Okate June 24, 2021October 5, 2021

Magnolia

I’m not talking about the Tom Cruise movie or the Joanna Gaines line. I’m talking about the magnolia trees as they bloomed this spring. Every single first without my husband has sent me into a tailspin, and I know it will continue but springtime threw me into one headfirst. Springtime is supposed the time of…

by June 14, 2021June 15, 2021

Living without you

Living around the corner from my husband wasn’t ever going to work. What I’ve grown to learn in my time away from him, is he still wanted to control me in certain ways and have the upper hand. I think he wanted me at my mother’s condo so he knew when I was and wasn’t…

by Okate June 9, 2021June 14, 2021

All’s Fair In Love and War

When you feel apathy about everything, except thoughts of killing yourself, you know your life isn’t yours anymore. You don’t know where it’s gone, you don’t know who it belongs to, but you know it’s not yours any longer. I know very few things in my life to be true. I am 5’5” inches. That…

by Okate May 19, 2021

Christmas

I had longed to have a family my kids whole life. It was just the two of us their whole childhood. I always went way overboard for Christmas in everyway because I harbored a secret about Christmas; I hated it. When I was growing up, my father had died and a large part of my…

by Okate May 13, 2021May 15, 2021

Good friends stab you in the front…

So much was unearthed that night. So many questions answered, but so many questions still left unanswered. Could I believe everything I was told? I had no reason not to. The boyfriend seemed sincere enough. He seemed genuinely heartbroken and confused, as I was. He was full of all the information as to why my…

by Okate May 8, 2021May 8, 2021

Odd man out

So, as it turned out everyone knew about each other but me. I couldn’t quite wrap my head around it. Their relationship was described to me by the boyfriend as “an open relationship but she was the only one living it,”. Him and I spent an oddly intimate Christmas Eve together on the phone and…

by Okate April 28, 2021April 28, 2021

Nights of living depression

Have you ever tried to live with a parent as an adult? It’s no cake walk. I’ve done it before, except she lived with me. I just sort of took a backseat to whatever she wanted within reason and let her run the house. It was a peaceful enough co-existence. The shift that occurred then…

by Okate April 24, 2021

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